Pressure and Time

There once was a nomad dinosaur who escaped being part of the LaBrea Tar Pits by wandering off alone into the desolate golden hills of a prehistoric California. Eventually, as all things must go so did this one lonely nomad dinosaur, now old, wise and a prehistoric sage beyond his years. He died, his body decayed in the unforgiving sun, his bones covered with the sentiments of many, many ages. His body trodden and buried by hundreds of thousands of pounds in the heavy Earth. The squeezing formation, the shifting of the tectonic plates, the unimaginable pressure which further compressed those old, lonely nomad dinosaur’s bones took a toll, but when combined with time, the result was a brilliant metamorphosis! That old sage of a creature, the lonely nomad dinosaur who wandered away from the rest only to die alone, far, far from where he started had, with nothing more than pressure and time, become a rare and beautiful diamond.


However, although it been century upon century, lifetimes had passed and nobody ever found this transformed nomad, this wise old sage. In the rocky dirt he laid for ages, watching history change and never being noticed for who he really was, he was just part of a large, old rock. A dirty piece of boulder along the side of California’s superhighways, thousands saw him day after day and not once did anyone recognize who this really was, nobody saw the rich value of his wisdom, his many facets of brilliance and reflections of beauty. Nobody saw it until one day, quite randomly and unexpected, a Warrior Princess was harvesting hemp when, almost by accident, she stumbled upon that lonely old nomad dinosaur. She almost cursed, she almost swore, she almost got up and walked away but there, in the golden dirt of those California hills, something sparkled for a moment, something in the rock caught her mind. The Warrior Princess hoisted the rock and along with her bounty of hemp and berries, she walked to her cave dwelling and put the rock aside for a while.

Over the relatively short period of a couple of weeks,  while life went on in the most ordinary of ways, The Warrior Princess sat down to clean off that dirty old rock, looking for that special sparkle that first caught her eye, she did it a little bit each and every day. Then, one night when nobody was a round, when the moon was full and bright, when she could not sleep through the night, The Warrior Princess really got down and dirty with that old dusty rock. She polished it hard, her hands gripping the fragments and ripping away the layers of sentiments, the old memories of being long forgotten until, at last, sometime just before dawn, she found it, the source of the sparkle, the diamond in the rough. She did not stop, she continued day by day, when she had a free moment, she polished that gem, she romanced the stone and in return, the old, lonely nomad dinosaur again gleamed with a brilliance and wealth of intelligence, wisdom and awe for the magic of nature. The Warrior Princess, always modest, a generous, benevolent and kind soul knew that although she indeed loved this wondrous, magic old rock…it was not really her to keep. It must shared with the world, it must be used for the benefit of all and not simply for herself. Once her work was done, when the dirty rocks and clumps of clay were stripped away and all that was left was a mighty, four foot in diameter diamond, The Warrior Princess again hauled the heavy gem upon her stead and rode across the Golden Hills to The City of Angels.


Along the way, it was several days journey, the mysterious old gem seemed to vibrate and hum. The Warrior Princess first thought it was the cannabis, but she knew better than that and realized it was stone, it was calling to her and it said “Please don’t leave me now.”
“Are you speaking to me?” The Warrior Princess spoke aloud and then, as if she knew the rock was listening, she continued, “It’s close to dark, we shall rest and come to The Hills of Hollywood tomorrow…we shall rest here, rock.” The warrior Princess made camp for the night, huddling in a craggy alcove, safe from the dangers of predators but someplace where she could see the moon clear and bright. As she did this, she kept trying to clear her mind, she was listening for the Rock to speak to her, she was waiting for a conversation. Nothing happened. A small fire, some berries and tea, The Warrior Princess ate in silence, still waiting, listening until she let the fire die and laid next to the Rock for the night. She rubbed the smooth, flat facet of this magnificent Rock and sighed, “Good night.”
“Good Night.” The Rock responded and then it said, inside The Warrior Princess’ head, “You cannot share me with the world like this, they will destroy me, they will cut and divide me, they will all want a piece of me and all I will do is diminish.”
“You are speaking to me, right?” The Warrior Princess said aloud as she sat up, her long dark hair dangled over the left side her face, a wavy curly mane, a veil across her dark, mysterious eye…her other eye, the brow arched perfectly, already asked the question that was about to speak, “I’m not fucking crazy, am I?”
“Does it matter if you’re crazy or not?” the Rock pondered inside her mind, she could feel the gem stone smile, “You know I’m right, it’s the truth, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know…” she gently placed her fingers on the old nomad, “What shall I do?”
“I belong to you, just keep me.”
“But what about the magic you are, what about the joy you can give so many?” The Warrior Princess stopped speaking out loud, she continued the dialogue inside her mind, inside her mind this Rock was a Soul, not just a gem stone. Inside her mind she could hold this Soul, she could embrace and comfort this Soul, she romanced the Soul, “Please, more than ever, the world needs to know this can exist, you are proof, you are an answer…you are…”
“You are the lighthouse keeper’s beam, the hope of an eternal night.” The Rock Soul sighed, “I may be the dream but you’ve got vision.”
“No, I am but a humble servant to the needs of others…” The Warrior Princess knew she didn’t to explain anything more about her life, The Rock Soul knows. Her warm breath made the sides of several facets blush with foggy steam, “A servant to your needs.”
“I really need you.”
“Me?”
“You.”
“Why?”
“You save me, you are me…” The Rock Soul felt warmer, “…as I am you.”
“Together?”
“Together.”
“I don’t understand…” The Warrior Princess suddenly got upset, she stood up, her mighty shoulders reflecting like sapphire wings in the moonlight, she spoke out loud, “I don’t get it!”
“The only way I am not demised by sharing who I am is when I freely give of myself…” the Rock Soul’s voice now echoed as loud as The Warrior Princess in the dark, desert night, “I give myself to you.”
“Okay, but then what?”
“Then you share that part of me with others, with those you deem worthy, deserving and together we reap the rewards…” the Rock Soul Gem Stone’s voice was clear, calm and cool, he spoke easy like the sea breeze, “I just want to be with you, in your garden. I will give you something when you need it, when you want it and all you have to do is let me be there, with you, in your garden.”
“You’re like my fucking goose who lays golden eggs?” The Warrior Princess was not an idiot, she never played the patsy and she never suffered fools lightly. She demanded, “Tell me the truth, why?”

“Love.”
“Love?”
“Love.”
“I don’t understand…Love?”
“This is Love, it’s not what you expect and it’s nothing one could easily imagine, but it’s Love, that’s why…You found me, after so much pressure and time, you found me. You romanced me, hashing this diamond from the rough into the most incredible gem stone on the planet. Love. I feel it, you do too, don’t you?”
“Love for a rock?” as the words left her thick, kissable lips, she tried to suck them back in, “No, I mean, yes…you’re right, I feel Love too.”
“That’s all the answer you’ll ever need, Warrior Princess…Love.”

Getting It Off My Chess

When I was a child I played a lot of chess. I quickly understood that since there’s only about 40 different moves in every game of chess, only so many moves could ever be made in a single game. I think quickly, very quickly, too quickly…it’s a symptom of my BiPolar. I knew everything in chess is cause and effect so I imagined all the possible moves I could make, all the possible moves the opponent could make, all the potential results of each move and calculate the entire game inside my head within the first 3 or 4 moves of any game. I was in the chess club at a couple of the schools I went to, it was a way to meet other kids. I didn’t care about the game, I just wanted to meet other kids so every time I started at a new school, I joined a chess club first. But I didn’t play chess like the other kids, I didn’t use a book of strategies, I didn’t learn the names of each move, I ignored the suggestions of the teachers who sponsored the groups. I just quickly imagined everything inside my head and played for fun. I always won. It made the kids like me, they called me “Bobby Fischer” at one school and it always started out well. Invariable, however, there came a point when it was not such a clever novelty, but I was a revered rival to all. I was the kid to beat, I was unbeatable and everyone wanted to try. I was simply thinking through the game, it was just natural for me. I did it without effort, like the way anyone might naturally understand how to do something physically, like an athlete knows how to run or a vocalist has perfect pitch, it just came to me. But in the 8th grade I stopped playing chess. I knew what moves would be made if I joined any more chess clubs, so I never joined them again. To this day I still won’t play very often…only with people I really love or respect, only for fun and only one game at a time. I play to teach my children, for example, but my wife will NEVER play me again and most of my friends only play me once…but the significance of this antidote is that sometimes winning is a complete drag.


This week and last week have been challenging, each in unique ways for me. Last week it was an emotional battle, gripping with psychological triggers and prone to bouts of sadness, angst and even some anger too. This week has been a physical struggle, my strange laceration and abrasions in my stomach, apparently caused by some kind of sharp foreign object I ate…aside from the randomness of this illness, it too played with my anxieties because I was afraid it was way worse. Both the past few weeks, however, I have gained some positive things from, I have learned something about myself and even got a pleasant surprise as the result of an unpleasant EGD procedure. The first week I learned that I am stronger than I think because I was able to get what I needed in the business matters. Despite the long, difficult journey to San Francisco and back I managed that too, I did it and that is an accomplishment for me. My physical ailments, although they kept me in pain and discomfort for several days, I also survived the experience. In sticking the tube camera down my throat (scraping the hell out of it) to get a look at my inner stomach and GI tract, we learned that not only did I have no visible ulcers, I had an amazingly few polyps, fatty deposits or other odd things! When the blood and biopsy results came in later in the week, it only confirmed the prognosis, I have a very sound digestive system!



These two thoughts relate together because although I enjoy figuring out all the angels, knowing how the game will go down and giving thought to my responses, the best game is life because it cannot be planned for, it cannot be thought out and sorted so I can plan each move. I enjoy the random events that come along so much more than the things I plan to do…when the plans I make are turned or twisted by the random events that come along, this is when I feel most challenged, most alive. Today I am doing some simple chores around the farmhouse and tonight I hope to have a quiet evening alone. There’s been talk about going to Monterey or Santa Cruz on Sunday, but the weather is not looking favorable for the beach (I’d be willing to go so I could get a tan standing in the California rain)! We also considered a trip to the mountains, but the wildfires are preventing our safe passage. I want to go to Berkley, there’s a groovy concert going on and the weather will be partly cloudy and cool. Nobody else wants to do that and it’s too far to struggle with going alone. The heat has been tough, we need someplace to go splash and at this point, I’m considering an over night stay at the Best Western with the pool! That’s silly, I know, but I just want to go swimming!



I’m working on a few things, like I said, domestic tasks like fixing up a kitty sanctuary in the tool shed…doing some deep cleaning in the bedrooms, laundry and dishes…my mother is coming in 2 weeks, she always brings her white glove and wooden spoon, so the place should be “Mother-In-Law” clean! I’m also tinkering with video, thinking about love, lust, desires and fears and hoping to be alone later to delve into these matters through my work on the next book or the one I started for after that…but I need some create space, I’m feeling like I’ve been doing things for everyone all week long, despite my own health issues and I deserve some private space. I like few things more than being by myself in my little “dSpace” studio…writing, playing music, recording video.philes or just imagining what is and what could never be…I like being that me. I need that me to come hang out with myself, he’s cool and knows how to make me feel better. I need to feel better too, I’m healing and on the mend, but I need to feel better in my heart and soul…other than sex, art is the only thing that does that for me!


Okay, well…this has been written “on the fly”…sitting down to write a few thoughts, getting up to do something productive…coming back again, writing something…you know, right? I have a couple of bigger things to do too, some chores which require help (I’m a badass, but flipping a king size mattress kicks my ass)…I presently have a couple of available helpers, so I should make the most of their kindness, yes? I wanted to post a blog that wasn’t such a stiff, trying to be all serious and shit like the one I posted yesterday…I wanted to just be me. The simplest me, it’s all I can manage today. Depending on how the plans unfold for tomorrow, I don’t know if I’ll be around much until later on Monday. I have a doctor’s appointment, a quick follow-up in the morning then I’ll be posting “The Monday Show” on the youtube and hanging out for a while…Next week I have a couple of gigs too, on Tuesday and Friday…both are in the morning, both are not too far away and both at educational associations so there’s little pressure and it’s an easy peasy gig for me. I enjoy talking with people in the educational industry, they always ask insightful questions and they’re friendly, feed you well and the pay is generous. They don’t buy many books, however, which is actually the reason I am there…I have to ramp that shit up, but please don’t get me started thinking about that…it’s honestly time for me to go and get back to work again!

Thanks for reading me, hope you’re having a splendid day and delightful evening!


Take good care, be kind and stay safe!

Peace,
d’Philip
12 September 2015

Freak Fags, False Flags and Flotsam

The Castro District, San Francisco, California

Late last May, while walking in The Castro District of San Francisco late one afternoon, as that fresh Pacific breeze washed over the painted ladies and quaint boutiques, there were dozens and dozens of those rainbow gay pride flags flying everywhere and it caught my eye; it didn’t hurt so I looked to notice them flying from the post office and library, from the street poles and nearly every window I could spy. It made me smile, they were pretty and I enjoyed the pride being shown, this was months before The United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage and the flags waved, reminding me that anything is possible if enough people believe, I didn’t mind the flags, despite flying on “public properties”, it was only a simple symbol, a colorful piece of cloth that means something to some people (and other things to other people), but it’s just a flag.

Confederate Flag Pride in Mississippi

A month later, after the tragic massacre in South Carolina which terrorized the nation into a downright civil struggle over another simple symbol, a colorful piece of cloth that means something to some people (and other things to other people)…the Virginia State Battle Flag, The Confederate Flag, The Rebel Flag was under attack, banned from stores and demonized by media whores and political asshats alike! It too was flying on “public properties”, but unlike the Gay Pride Flag, Ole Dixie got a bad rap! It was deemed to be a racist symbol, a racist symbol of hate and nothing else…I thought that’s odd, it’s also symbolic of the rebel spirit, it’s also a matter of heritage and history too…so why is the Confederate Flag considered solely a symbol of racism?

A Symbol of Death and Tyranny?

But okay, if given that, The Confederate Flag is indeed symbolic of racist sentiments, why are we not also banning The United States of America Flag too? Isn’t Old Glory just as guilty of racism, hate crimes and atrocities around the world too? Hell, for that matter, The Old Stars and Stripes has a lot more fresher blood stained across it’s mast than The Confederate Flag…despite it’s featured role in the South Carolina hate crime massacre terrorist attack! If one is censoring an essentially historic flag because some have decided that it’s a symbol of racism, oppression and unrest then you must also consider those same standards when pledging allegiance to the star spangled banner itself; The Flag which flies over The United States and it’s destinations of occupation abroad, is perhaps even MORE egregious and offensive than either The Confederate Flag or The Gay Pride Flag or both put together!

The American Flag is Stained with Fresh Blood

The flag of Betsy Ross and our Founding Fathers is STILL the only nations that used atomic weapons on another nation. Twice. It is the same flag that was flying over Andrew Jackson (the dude on the $20 bill) as he committed genocide against thousands of native tribes, it’s the same flag that was waving over the Japanese internment (prison of war) camps during world war two in California, it’s the same flag that flew over the American occupation of Iraq, the one worn on the shoulders of cops who are killing unarmed citizens daily, the same flag your children are trained to pledge, hell that YOU and I were trained to pledge…without ever thinking about it, without ever being told the truths about that flag…so, perhaps if we are to ban one flag, we might consider banning all flags?

Mainstream Media Produces Fear...

So where do the freak fags come into this story? Here’s the thing, they already have, they’ve been a part of this story all along…the call to ban the confederate flag is from freak fags, the call to stop gay marriage is from freak fags, the call for a rally around our current American flag…is a freak fags. Okay, I’ll elucidate further…firstly, a fag is a tiring, unwelcomed task, it’s work of drudgery and NOT a person, typically male, who is homosexual. That’s an American slang, it’s meaningless in this discussion. If you can grasp that, fag is something we do begrudgingly, the freak part makes more sense too. We freak over an issue, it’s a drag but we do it anyway (endlessly) and we get offended by this shit. Yet, we’re not so offended by the war crimes and poverty our country is wrecking throughout the world.

We freak out about the notion of same sex couples enjoying the ritual of marriage but the hundreds of thousands families living in poverty and homeless just gets us pissed off so we ignore it? Those are Freak Fags, we’re all subject to them but how we chose to react is our responsibility. It seems many chose to pledge allegiance to False Flags and Freak Fags than even discuss an alternative solution.

The clerk in Kentucky who defied the law over her religious beliefs, the presidential candidate who claimed she was doing the right thing, break the law if it’s not a good one; these are Freak Fags. The billionaire real estate mogul who is running for president is a master capitalist of this Freak Fag activity. He is tapping into the fear, animosity, frustration and anger yet worse; the result is that the most base of human emotions, hate, is rising higher in the

polls everyday! Freak Fag is done by the left too, between the nanny state of mind, be as liberal as you like as long as you don’t hurt yourself or others attitudes combined with a steep sense of self-entitlement and sheep-minded attitudes, they are lulled into a collective state of stupor where their most basic rights are stripped away to nothing.  Freak Fags, like False Flags and Flotsam are all we’re left saluting these days.

Are Corporations People Too?

Oh yeah, Flotsam, we haven’t mentioned that yet…As you may or may not know, back in the sea faring days of exploration, exploitation and exodus to the many “New Worlds”, when a ship would crash at sea and all the debris eventual washed to shore…that is Flotsam. In our world today, the Flotsam we have from mass destruction is a life in perpetual fear fueled by media, the government and eventually, even each other…Flotsam is seen in the many False Flags waved us weekly, from tragic mass shootings to scares of mysterious viral pandemics…Flotsam is distributed by the notion that “corporations” are considered “people” in the eyes of the law (which, by definition, a corporation is business entity used to protect the personal assets and liabilities of the individuals who operate the company);

The Freak Fag part of this that although “corporations” are now considered “people”, they are still not held accountable, as a person certainly would, for their egregious crimes against nature, humanity and the true aim of our Republic Democracy. Modern Flotsam is The TSA, The Patriot Act and an over zealous law enforcement system that not only erodes our collective freedoms, but puts many of us at risk of death by cop, jailed for subversion and even, eventually, leads us to a fascist state of martial law.

The Flotsam we deal with is not by accident, it’s not a direct result of 9/11 or any other perceived threat from “evil doers” around the world…it’s spawn, nurtured and propagated by our very own nation, by The United State of America, Incorporated.

Was 9/11 an inside job? This is an easy question to answer, especially if you completely disregard the government’s entire narrative and examine only the facts…the answer is an unequivocal yes, the entire 9/11 event was indeed an inside job. The next question then becomes, if it’s an inside job…by who and why would they do just an awful thing? Again, if we stick to the facts, the first one we’ll clearly see is that the official United States government’s narrative is bullshit…so, why would they lie? Perhaps they are lying to protect us, this is the logic we’re hearing, to protect us…but from whom? The Soviets? The Aliens? A bunch of Islamic extremist (who, incidentally, the USA funded long before 9/11/01 and continues funding to this day)? No, the only threat to the American people is the American government!

They have been stripping away our rights to privacy and many Americans simply shrug, believing it’s needed for the greater good and since they don’t have “anything to hide”, most people don’t seem to care about the lack of privacy. The next step will be taking the right to free speech, which is already happening at many levels, but still most citizens are seemingly unconcerned. Think about it, for a moment just consider that not giving a shit about your privacy because you “have nothing to hide” is very much like saying you don’t care about free speech “because you have nothing to say”; this is inside/out logic! It’s a twisted and nefarious plot to further diminish our significance, making us both more in debt to the corporate/government machine and control the resources of the world. Does anybody remember the history they taught us in grade school? As slanted and fictional as our school history books are, they did tell the tale of The Boston Tea Party. There were a few British subjects who did not like the taxes levied by Great Britain so these rebellious subjects dressed up to disguise themselves as Native Americans and attacked The East India Tea Company’s ship in Boston Harbor. One event led to another, but all of it was predicated on a series of lies, misinformation, guerrilla terrorism in battle and the eventual support of business interests.

This is how our country started, it continues to this very day as well…the great hope for humanity, the Golden Dream of The United States of America has become nothing more than another Evil Empire…perhaps like “Star Wars”, but more like the cruel Roman Empire, The Mongoloid or Byzantine Empires…a ruthless, domineering suppression of the human spirit for the benefit of a very few individuals.  

[EDITORIAL NOTE: At this point, as I am doing a quick edit on this article before posting it, I decided to delete two whole paragraphs which were originally in this portion of the article. These two paragraphs called for a second revolution in the united states and suggested an effective, non-violent method of affecting change as successfully used in recent history in Eastern Europe (and helped to topple The U.S.S.R.) and how to make that sort of revolution happen here in the United States. But I omitted them and the sole reason is because I suspect it would move my name further up the government’s watch list…I am expressing dissent, I am calling for change using peaceful, non-violent measures but if I actually spelled it out, I believe I will somehow be taken out.]

Freak Fags, False Flags and Flotsam, this is the United States of America today. A place divided by racial or economic diversities, a nation under siege from it’s own government, a country which is poisoning the food supply, raping the land of natural resources and making it’s own subjects pay for the privilege. Face it, folks…we are no longer “citizens” of The United States, we are simply “subjects” in the vast umbrage of a very cruel, corrupt and greedy few individuals. We no longer engage in the pursuit of happiness, we just settle for contentment. We are no longer guaranteed liberty, we’re granted various privileges. We do not have unalienable right to Life, we’re allowed to simply exist. This is not the home of the free nor the land of the brave; it is the home of the caged and land of the slaves.

There are no real opportunities, no real chance of anyone growing up to be anything they want…There is only Freak Fags, False Flags and Flotsam.

Happy 9/11, Never Forget! 

(it was an inside job)

Tepid, Timid Thoughts and Thursday Throwbacks

Presently, as I start this blog article, it’s 03:36 on Thursday the 3rd of September in 2015, the 19,629th day of my life and I’m already feeling a bit rattled. I went to bed yesterday before the sun went down, perhaps in the 17th hour of the day (5pm) and pretty much slept until half past two, an hour and half ago. Yesterday was not a good day, the second fucking Monday in a row kind of Tuesday, a tough and difficult day for both my family and myself. Without going into details, because I have to abide by a non-disclosure statement, I have to be up in San Francisco for an 11:00 meeting that I am not looking forward towards. I can be forthright in telling you that one of my anxiety/PTSD triggers is driving in heavy, congested urban traffic and another one is dealing with financial matters. Both of these triggers are at risk for me tomorrow and though typically I would have someone to drive me around in situations like this, tomorrow I don’t have that option. After trying all day to make arrangements of some kind, as well as distracted by the very fact that our little VW is in need of some repairs which we’ve yet to make, I was a ball of stress who felt like shit so I popped a couple of sleeping pills (Ambien), took a 1mg pill of Klonopin (to manage anxiety) and took myself out of the game for the rest of the day. This was for everybody’s sake because I was a mess and afraid of taking it out on others, I call it defense (others call it avoidance). Whatever it is, it works for me because right now I don’t feel so bad. I’ve had a chance to think and rethink, to dream a little about this matter and after I mediated, I feel at ease with a plan.



 Mediation has been teaching me to remove the ego in my Life, in all situations when I take the “me” factor from the situation, everything somehow seems to become clearer. I gain a new understanding of the matter and a resolution almost presents itself with my even having to try thinking about it…I can’t describe the process or feelings I have, it’s a bit like trying to describe an LSD experience or orgasm, it’s a unique experience. The results, however, are simple because they manifest as action or results in life, no need for words, just look and see…such is the matter for me today. I have come to the absolute conclusion that the best remedy for me is to get myself out the door very early, on my way via Amtrak to San Francisco and then back home again. I would still enjoy a companion, someone to keep me grounded and in my life nobody does this better than my youngest daughter, Maggie…however she does have school and so I don’t want her to miss something important on my behalf, so she may not go along with me…but I’ll ask, if she can that’s great but if not, then so be it…perhaps I’ll just need to be alone because there’s a lesson in that as well!

Today being Throwback Thursday and all, I am going to leave you with a snapshot from a few years ago of my daughter Maggie and I when she was about 4 years old and we were playing dress-up one day…she was in love with Woody, the cowboy character from “Toy Story” and on this particular day I was the father of the bride! I do wish everyone a great day…I hope all things are good and beautiful wherever you may be and always remember to be well and stay safe!













Peace,
d’Philip
03 September 2015
The San Joaquin Valley
Republic of California
Earth

Come to Grip with Your Fears and Desires

She comes dancing across my dreaming imagination in the crystal moonbeams of a late summer night. We take delight in one another’s intellect, wit and like two characters from a movie long ago, we tenderly tend to one another’s darker desires in harmless fantasy and innocent guilty pleasures late at night. Touching inside her mind, my words penetrate her body’s rhythm and flows as if I were lapping at her honey pot, a fool out of control devouring her imaginary nectar and drooling while we roll always the time in a playful sort of way. No foul, no harm and neither of us had any intention of doing this again, but we did a few nights or week later…and it was even better the second time. Days have gone by, the moon grows as full as it could be, its brilliant beams spilling over the valley and I am still, I wait for her to come sultry, secretly surprising me, enticing me to do it once more…for the third time, tonight?

Once upon my imagination, she wore my sex on her sleeve like a heart on a string, a yo-yo motion, a new emotion and a strong desire to play…thinking of drinking the stinking tea, the feeling of reeling, kneeling on the ceiling and praying to a goddess I only know in mind, it’s a fantasy that becomes more real every time we play this game, it seems to be the same, she’s falling in love with me and I’m Grateful she came…I just want it to stay fluid, moving waters like tide pulled in the lunar cycle, drifting the unknown together, not looking forwards or back, just into one another’s eyes of the world, windows to the universe hiding inside each of our souls…no one controls the future, I say, no one controls your laugh and whatever happened to either of us in the past is just that, it’s gone, it’s past and keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes upon the road…don’t worry about growing old, being young or fitting in, none of that matters now…only now, in the dark, alone in the night, just you and me…whatever you please, whatever I have, it’s yours for the taking, I share everything, anything you ask…take off your mask and face your fears and desires!

Daring you, devour me deeply, drape your passion across my guarded bow, lick my sternum and bite my neck…you can check my pocket, you can check my shoes but the size I’ve got going gets me singing the blues when I’ve nothing to lose, nothing to choose but chasing this dream, this endless imaginary stream of consciousness sweeps me away, I splash, I play, I pretend to go to bed at the end of the day but I lay awake, lay awaiting, lay alone…there’s nobody home inside of my head. I get up, get out of bed, drag a comb across the dead and forgotten, tossing out the rotten and hoarding all the rest…wanting to save them to share with those I love and know best and you…and the rest of this is just a mess. I’ve got 99 problems, but dreaming about my cock deep inside of you ain’t one of them, that's never a problem indeed…then again, maybe it’s true that what we think, we say and sometime we do too.

Twisting melodies, delicate obscenities and diddling with my fingers in you…it’s a half quarter rain dance, some of its prayer I’ve got nothing to hide from, I’ve got nothing to wear but still I’m scared that once again, when we’re done, we’ll be nothing more than the most casual of friends. Then again, again...you wouldn't do that me, or to you and even if you tried, I doubt you could stop this obsession, this unrelenting passion crashing from places neither of us knew before...or since. It's your season now, you decide what works best, from time immemorial to the rest of enternity...it's ore than forever, it's "five-ever" and that's not enough...we can't resist this powerful thing, this crazy little called Love.

Days become moments, moments last forever and time flies by in a flash…I feel the tenderness together and my mind begins to crash on those rocks of reality, it’s still not you and me but this darkness, distance has to give…it always does. When has the sun refused to shine after even the longest, blackest of nights, the light always follows like creation after chaos, it’s the living cycle of all things, it rings true for me and you as well, as above so below as the magic man bends and glows, the sparkle of diamonds, emeralds, rubies and sapphires igniting those passions, burning those fears and giving life to new desires…C’mon baby light my fire, I whisper like the ghost of Jim Morrison, I swear we can get no higher! You know that it would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar, if I didn’t admit our fate, inside your Love I feel inspired…

You and I have a lifetime of memories to live together and still, it’s like we’ve known one another a lifetime already…I want to keep this steady and true, this mixed up, exciting thing between me and you and only hope you feel the same. It drives both insane, I can feel it rattle me deep in my soul…but with all my rock and all my roll, I want to loose control and free fall in space alone together…

I see your face whenever I close my eyes, as clear as these California skies and deep as the desert nights…it’s alright, you can touch you like I want to do, you can tell me anything you want to say…I always listen, never walk away and still, above all it’s your sensual, sultry sexy soul I most admire as take a firm grip around me fears and desires…