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| Thanksgiving, 1998 d'Philip with daughter Valerie and sons Cassidy & Julian |
“Yes…” my own
cheeks soaked with both Love and Fear, “I am your father, Valerie…I am d’Philip
Chalmers and I have been looking for you since the day you were born,
child…God, you’re here, I can’t believe it…”
“I, I, I…” she
began to gush and rushed towards me, hugging me tightly and sobbing, “I can’t
believe it’s really you!”
“Valerie, I
never stopped looking…” I began to explain but my mother, being the mastermind
behind this brilliant surprise, cut me off, “…for you.”
“I told Valerie
you were living here in Arkansas…” mom shut the door, took off her coat and
handed it to Kelly. Holding both Valerie and I tenderly by the arm, she smiled
with her own tears of joy, “We talked her mother into letting Valerie come
visit Nana for Thanksgiving, Valerie told her mother she didn't want me to
spend the holiday alone, isn't she sweet?” my mom smiled slyly, Valerie blinked
innocently and just kept looking at me, mom continued the story, “Valerie and I
decided to keep a secret, we didn't want her mother to know you were here,
otherwise she would never, ever let Valerie come spend Thanksgiving, or any
time at all with Nana!” mom pulled Valerie and I close, the three of us softly
sobbing, “Now you are together, at last, I have my first born and his first
born…Happy Thanksgiving!”
“Wow, I can’t
believe it!” I asked Valerie, “Did you know you were coming here to meet me, I
mean, yeah…you did, but since when?”
“Nana told me
for my birthday,” Valerie wiped the tears from her big beautiful eyes, her
mother’s eyes, soulfully blue and clear, pure, so innocent, “It was our little
secret! My mother told me you were in a cult in Nevada, but I already knew you
were living here with your family…” Valerie’s smile beamed as she turned from
us, knelt down in front of little Julian, “My name is Valerie, what’s your
name?”
“Julian!” he
gleefully cheered with his arms open wide, “Valerie!”
“Yes, I’m
Valerie…” they tightly embraced, “I’m your sister!”
“Julian knows
you, Valerie…” Kelly smiled, her glasses too fogged with misty joy, “We all do,
your father never stops talking about you, he’s told both the boys about their
big sister…the first night we met, he told me about you.”
“Really?”
Valerie looked up at Kelly and then at me and then again at Kelly as she
scooped Jules up in her arms, “I never knew, I mean, my mother was always
telling me different things, not good things.”
“Huh, how is
your mom?” I asked as we all took a seat, “Be sure to tell her I said hello!”
“Oh my!” Valerie
blushed and we all laughed. Over the next couple hours, as we all shared
stories about our lives, about our plans for this weekend and even about the
future. Valerie declared, with a true neo modern Southern Belle determination,
like Scarlet O'Hara from “Gone With The Wind”, Valerie, in a firm voice
bellowed, “Now that I know the truth, I know where and who you are, you're not
the monster she said you were either, I declare!” she said that and chuckled,
“There's nothing that can stop me, I mean it,” her Carolina voice strong, “She
can go to hell because now I know the truth!”
Thanksgiving
1998 was a most perfect holiday, one of the best I’ve ever had in my life. No longer feeling ill of mind, I had a steady
job with ambition and plans to build upon, I liked that me very much, I was
happy, solid. For the first time in any of our lives, all three of my children
together at the same time, in the same place, it was my vision of Bliss. I have
a woman who loves me, who still loves me even though we’d been through hell in
the short 3½ years we had been together. Kelly loves all of me, inside and out,
the good, the bad and the ugly of me, this is my vision of Love. I have my
mother’s never ending devotion and support all my crazy life. My mother who
brought about that wonderful gift of bringing all of us together, of making all
this happen in such a magical, wonderful way. I have my brother, I was feeling
closer to him than I had in many years, I could sense that he too somehow still
believed in me. I remember, I sat at one end of the table, my brother along
with his wife at the other end of this Cornucopia table of Goodness and between
us along either side of the table, my mother and my wife, all three of my
children, I felt a true sense of patriarchal responsibility. I held up my glass
of wine, “If I may?” I tilted my head, glanced at mom and then continued, “Dear
God in The Cosmos, we thank you for this bountiful feast, we are a fortunate
family because we have so much of everything, especially Love, to share. Please
bless us all with continued good health, with fair and worthy welfare and with
as much time on this planet as you can possibly afford each of us; however,
dear Heavens, I am most Grateful for right now...Here's to The Best
Thanksgiving Ever!”
“Amen!”
everybody toasted and giggled, so much Love was passed around the table that
night. The food was filling our bellies, but the Love spilled from our hearts.
The rest of weekend was a flash, yet so many memories were made, doing a few
simple things all together. We all went bowling, this was a sporting game my
mother grew up on and shared with me, and now mine, I have so many images of
Valerie helping either Cassidy or Julian. Images of their smiles, the sound of
their laughter echo inside my head like old recordings. We went horseback
riding because Valerie had never been on a horse before and I loved riding but
hadn't done it in years. Flashes in the forest along the wooded trail. I
watched Valerie upon her horse, she held Julian tightly as the horse's tail
swatted flies. Come Sunday everyone flew back home, there were many tears,
dozens of big tight hugs, but such happiness and Love we were probably glowing.
Valerie and I promised, this was just the beginning of the rest of our lives
together, we will never let it get away from either of us ever again, no matter
what, no matter who; Valerie knew, I was her father and I Loved her with All
that Love is, for the rest of time, the rest of Life, I was her daddy.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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| Available at dphilipchalmers.net First Edition Authographed Plus! |
This
excerpt from the new book, “My BiPolar Reality; How Life Goes On…”, is
something worth sharing with everyone this week, it again being that time of
year, this holiday now upon us, the season about to boil into another frenzy of
consumer obsessions and the endless jingle of a thousand of lonely commercials.
This Thanksgiving of 2014 is our first one in California, two thousand miles
away from almost everyone we know, it’s going to be a very low-key and small
affair with simply the four of us and perhaps my elderly uncle from San
Francisco (I hope). We’re planning a small bird, perhaps a pot of carrot rice
soup, some potatoes, cranberries and stuffing…and I think I might try to bake a
blueberry pie too! It’s not going to be easy to be so far away, but in some
ways, it’s kind of nice too. Please understand, we love our family and friends
dearly. We love them so much that every year around this time of year we stress
out because we’re hosting or attending gatherings, trying to buy everyone
something special or at very least, unique and thoughtful. We work harder,
longer hours to cover all the extra expenses and the time passes so quickly
that come the first week of January, we’re wondering if it even happened at
all! This year we’re sending a photo postcard to everyone, we’re committed to
making each other presents only (no buying things) and the only gatherings
we’ll be attending are at home, just the family. I like it like that too!
This
last couple of months of each year always finds me feeling reflective, aside
from the dawning of a New Year, I also have the Sagittarian honor of
celebrating my own unique personal holiday (12/07) so it’s natural for me to “take
stock” of my life during the final 60 days of each year. I like to assess my
progress towards my goals and dreams, I like to get an inventory of how the
family is doing both as a whole and individually. I take time to speculate on
the things that worked, the things that didn’t work out and how I might do it
differently given another spin around the sun. I make an effort to plan a
strategy for the next year or five, I work on my continuing recovery/management
of my health issues and I’ll even add an item or two to “reward” myself to my
list of wants and desires…I’m not the only one, I’m sure, it’s common to
evaluate one’s life every year or so, right? In my own cycle, November is a sad
month, a time to let go of all my sadness and pain, I let myself sink into these
feelings for a while too. It’s important for me to acknowledge and feel these
hurtful feelings because if I don’t, the ill feelings build up and then seep
out through my life in so many worse ways. I wait until Thanksgiving until I
turn my attention back to the present and future. A week or so after this very
American holiday, it’s my own personal holiday, then the whole X-mas thing
ending with a New Year’s bang! This how my cycle works, yours might be
different, but for me I let the grief sweep over me, then offer my gratitude
for the blessings I have, enjoy the celebration of family during the X-Mas daze
until, finally, we step into the future with a New Year!
So
this week I am feeling those shifting emotions, those currents in the ocean of
Life that ebb and tide me through this experience like a kite on the breeze. I
go to my knees on the shores of salvation, offering my Grateful appreciation
for being grounded, for being here in this space/time continuum, well rounded
another year gone by and another just upon the horizon, like the promise of a
new dawn, I feel strong, I feel alive, I feel…and the ability to truly feel,
for me, is indeed a unique and valuable asset. Please, dear readers, if there
is only thing I ask from you during this entire post this week, it is this
simple thing; Offer your most sincere gratitude to your loved ones, your
friends and neighbors, those in your community, the people who people your
life, be sure to be Grateful for them this week and if you’re so lucky as to be
with these people, tell them how much you appreciate their presence in your
Life. It’s more important than giving thanks to anything else, anyone else…give
your prayers of thankful appreciation to those who make up the fabric of your
Life, for without them, not even God has meaning.
Have a Happy, Grateful
Thanksgiving…Take care & be well!
Peace,
d’Philip
“My BiPolar Reality;
How Life Goes On…” used by permission of The Intrepid
Editor Press Ltd. and is available (LIMITED autographed first edition) at dphilipchalmers.net OR at your favorite purveyor of books, magazines and gifts everywhere.
