 |
| The First Yuletide Moon since 1977... |
This Christmas we are treated to a rare “Yuletide Moon”, a
full moon occurring on Christmas for the first time this century; there have
been only 3 since 1900, the last one in 1977 when I was 16 years old. I do
remember that Christmas, not because of the full moon but because of something
as rare; the love I shared with my best friend, Todd Kasmark. That Christmas
was a strange one because it was the first time I didn’t share the holiday with
my kid brother, he had moved to Colorado to live with our father the previous
June. The other curious thing about that Christmas was Todd celebrating with my
family; his father was overseas on business so my mother insisted Todd spend
the evening with us and Todd didn’t object! Mom was flying to Denver on
Christmas Day to visit my brother but I had a job and my band had a couple of
gigs, so I was staying home alone. Not quite alone, Todd was staying with me
too and he rode to the airport with me when I dropped mom off in the morning. That
afternoon, after we had set up a little recording studio in my mother’s living
room, Todd and I got really stoned before we jammed. The weed was from a
girlfriend of Todd’s who lived in California, she sent him a fat bag of stuff
from Hawaii which was far more potent than the stuff we were used to in
hokey-pokey suburban Chicago in the late 70’s…so only one joint rocked our
socks off!
 |
| Todd, Gino and I in the garage, 1977... |
It was easy to play music with Todd, we had a synchronicity
between us which I have since learned, is very rare among musicians, it’s rare
among most other people too but when we were 16 years old, neither Todd nor I
knew the difference. It was just how we were and we never questioned it, never
expected it to be any different…we’d been best friend since we were 12 years
old, this was second nature in our relationship. We jammed for hours, not stopping, not taking a break, just playing with each other and having a grand time, one of those times of childhood that remains part of one's life for a very, very long time.
 |
| Frozen Chicago at Christmas... |
That Christmas Day it was very
cold outside, the wind was brutal and gusty so when Todd finally had to go
outside for a cigarette, I insisted he stand inside the garage. I did not smoke
but I kept him company and while we stood inside the small one car space with
the garage door half way open, he asked me a question I have never forgotten;
Todd asked, “That Full Moon up there, it’s a rare thing on Christmas…” Todd
kept looking at the full moon as it hung big and bold in the crystal clear,
bitter cold Christmas sky, “The next one isn’t for like 35 or 40 years…what do
you plan to do with your life between now and then?”
“That’s deep, a
big question…” I too looked up the moon and imagined for a moment, what will my
life be like in 40 years? Where will I be, what will I be doing? I gazed a
moment more and then answered my best friend’s big question, “I think I’ll
essentially be who I am now…people don’t change a lot over their lives, they
change their behavior, they change their choices, but the person is more or
less the same person…but what do I plan to do? I want to live in California, I
want to go back there again, that’s where I belong, that’s where it feels like
home. I will be an artist…maybe a musician, maybe a writer…I want kids, 3 or 4
of them…a lovely wife maybe, a little cabin in the mountains maybe…” I paused
and looked at my old ’68 Chevy Impala and chuckled, “A reliable car for sure!”
“Yeah, right?” Todd
tossed his cigarette outside and shrugged, “But at least you’ve got a car now!”
“What about you
Todd?” I asked as we walked back inside, “What are you going to between this Christmas
Full Moon and the next one?”
“I won’t be here…”
Todd closed the door behind us as I took off my jacket and picked up my bass, Todd
did the same and continued to answer my question with a depressing answer, “I
don’t think I’ll live to see 22 years old!”
“No, you’ll be
here…whatever!” I flipped the guitar strap over my shoulder and turned on my
amp, “In 40 years we’ll be old men together, maybe we’ll both live in
California, but we’ll still be friends, we’ll always still be friends…right?”
“For as long as I
live…” Todd sat down and turned his amp on too, “Let’s write something new!”
“I don’t have
anything new to work on…” typically when Tod and I wrote music together one of
us would have a chord progression or a lick of lyric to start with, but not
this time. We both had nothing new on the mind, nothing new to bring to the
table, “I don’t know where to start!”
“Nor do I…” Todd
said and then strummed a diminished A chord, a D minor and then an E minor
while he started singing made up words, “You don’t know where your life is
going, nobody does, nor do I…”
“You don’t know
what our love is growing…” I sang the next made-up line and plucked along on
the bass, “…but nobody does, nor do I…”
“In many years
you’ll whisper for me, you don’t hear, nor do I…”
“Too many tears
you’ll whimper for me, nobody cares, nor do I…”
“Dude, write this
down!” Todd stopped playing and busted out laughing, “We make up songs without
even trying, classic!”
“What were the
words again?” I laughed as I grabbed my ever present notebook and pen, “Nor do
I…I remember that part…something about not knowing where life is going, what
love is growing…what?”
“Whatever, it
doesn’t matter…” Todd played a power chord and broke the mood, “I don’t
remember!”
“Nor do I!” we both laughed at the little pun
and then we started jamming on an old song we wrote a few years before, an
anti-nuclear energy song called “The Powers of the Sun” and before too long it
was hours later and we were both tuckered out, I took off my axe, “Man, this
was great…but I am dead beat tired and wasted…I need to sleep for a spell.”
“Me too, I’ll call
you later?” Todd left his equipment and pulled on his parka, “Thanks man, this
was the best Christmas ever, really…the fucking best one since I was a kid!”
“Me too, I loved
it too…” I walked my friends to the door, “Call me, maybe 4 or 5 hours?”
“Right on…” Todd
tipped his hat as he stepped out into the dark night and ran next door, home. I
watched him from the living room, he smiled at me before he went inside. I
turned off everything, locked the doors and looked at the clock; it was only
9pm and the night was young. I was too tired to care and I would end up sleeping
through the entire night, waking up before sunrise. On the day after Christmas
I needed to get to my little retail sales job in the mall and I went out to
start my old clunker, scrape the ice from the windows and get ready to leave
when Todd stepped outside. He was standing there in a t-shirt and his underwear,
he called out, “I called you, you didn’t answer!”
“Sorry man, I
crashed hard…” I finished clearing the frost from the windows, “I was sleeping!”
“You’ll have a
long life…” he smiled, “You can afford to sleep…I can’t!” “Well get some
sleep during the day today…” I tossed the ice scraper into the car, “I’ll be
home by about 4 or so…let’s jam again!”
“Okay.” Todd
shivered, like he just realized how cold it was, he laughed, “See you later,
dude!”
 |
| Todd stands next to Davy and I...1977 |
Todd was right,
he didn’t live to see 22 years old, he died in a carbon dioxide poisoning
accident in July of ’79; we were only 17 years old. In the many years since
that last Yuletide Moon I did accomplish most of the things I thought I would
over the past 38 years…I am an author, a writer/artist…although I don’t play
professionally, I still thrive on playing my music, I still write songs from
time to time…I also did make it back to California, a couple of time in fact…I
lived in L.A. during the early 1980’s and since June of 2014 my wife, kids and
I relocated to Northern California, I don’t plan to move away again. I have
done a lot with my life, much of it because of Todd’s untimely demise; his
sudden death caused me to believe that since a person can die at 17 years old,
they can die at any time so I have lived every year of my life as it might be
my last…and it might be…yet losing my best friend at such an impressionable age
taught me to make the very most of my life. I made so much of my life sometimes
it was almost as if I was trying to live enough for two people! I still think
of Todd, especially in December but I’m long past that mournful, sad and painful
process…when I think of him now it’s nothing but fond, happy “when we were kids”
kinds of memories and feelings. He was my best friend, he was my soul brother
and I miss him but I’m so very Grateful for the youthful follies we shared
together so long ago. I got a new best friend several years later, we’re still
best friends 30 years on now and that hole where Todd was has grown in with
Love and Peace.
 |
| Happy X-Mas 2015... |
As the Yuletide Moon passes over you and yours this holiday,
please accept my best wishes for a peaceful, very happy and safe holiday…may
your days be filled with Love, Fun, Music, Food, Wine and Gifts of the Heart
and Soul…Happy X-Mas 2015!
