Sunday//12 October 2014///21:24;//The
Farmhouse Estate.Ceres.California
As I sit here on a balmy Sunday
evening, listening to old Beatles songs of days gone bye, I'm reading my own
book (“My BiPolar Reality; How Life Goes On…”) because I’ll be doing some
interviews and discussions about it this week. I was picking out my “talking
points” when I started noticing the patterns that I always seemed to repeat in
my life. I recall those other times when I have come to this point in my career
when I’m almost there, I’m about to break through but, instead I don’t break through;
I break down, I crumble and fail, I falter and trip or stumble into some kind
of strange vortex full of fear, sadness, anger and rage. I feel myself at this
point right now, in fact, I have been this far before but the difference is
this time, instead of crumbling in on myself, I have learned to master these
emotions and I’m trying to utilize them in the management of my BiPolar
Reality. For the most part it’s working too, I have been more successful this
time than any other attempt before, we’ve successfully relocated ourselves to
where I need to be, I am making connections and reaching out to larger contacts
who, I hope, will see the spark of creative insight I offer and they too will
step forward into this parade I feel myself leading…but there is still one other
thing that’s significantly different with this time around, this time I have
the truth on my side.
One of the common contributing
factors in all my past failures has been the missing element of absolute truth
to the vision. I have these moments where I can see how things will work out
but I don’t see it all so I filled in the blanks with bullshit. This time,
there’s no bullshit about it, this time around I am following the absolute
truth, as strange as it seems at times, it’s what is real in this current we’re
flowing with now and so I have faith and conviction, this time it’s very
different because nothing has been a figment of my over active imagination. I
still don’t see all the parts of the visions, but instead of filling them in
with my imagination, I’ve just let them fill themselves with whatever happens.
The strange part is, even though it’s a little more scary, sometimes I feel like an abolute idiot because I won't know the exact answer and I don't like feeling that way about myself. Yet, given a little time things do indeed seem
to be coming together just about exactly as I had seen them in the first vision
I had of this reality. Things are coming together, just not how I would have
imagined them and that’s the key to our success this time, I am spending my
imagination on my work, not holding together the bullshit. It is hard, don’t
get me wrong, I struggle every day with managing my symptoms, helping my family
feel at home 2,000 miles from where they grew up and dealing with a mass amount
of business and legal shit which drives me crazy. I recognize that I can’t
continue doing this for too much longer too, I need help in different ways both
now and in the very near future (when the book is released), but again, I’m
trusting these “blank spots” to fill themselves in so I can just do what I do best…being
d’Philip, an author/artist/activist and happy family man!
The night grows later, it’s
nearly 21:30 and my music is reaching a climax with side 2 of “Abbey Road”, so
I’ll take that as cue to start wrapping things up and shutting my little
outside work space down. I love having the ability to work outside, especially
at night. It’s my favorite place to write because almost all other outside
stimuli is obscured in the shadows. I focus on the glowing keyboard and screen
of my little XPS, I get lost in the music and I’m writing, reading, imagining
and thinking for hours…just like I saw in that last vision of how to get where
I where I need to be in my life…which, surprising to me, is very much like that
very original vision I once had for myself all those years ago, when this
Beatles music I’m now listening to was still on The Hit Parade, I wanted to be
here, in California, a family man and famous artist. It’s not exactly how I
thought I would get here, but yet, here I find myself and although it’s still evolving
and happening as I live and breathe, this is what happens when my personal
history doesn’t repeat itself!
As I conclude this article, I
suppose the message I really find is that one should always remain focused on
THE TRUTH of one’s vision and nothing else; at least that’s MY message in this
post. As I think about it too there’s SO MUCH bullshit out there in the world,
we get it from ALL SIDES every day, don’t we? I see on the news, in our
leaders, in the companies who try to market things…I even see it in people I
meet, sometimes in the people I know and love too, don’t you? Therefore, when I
find myself in moments like this, completely alone with myself, there’s at
least one truth I can still cling to, my own truth. What is that truth I hold
on to? I suspect it might be different for different folks, but for me it goes
something like this; There is Nothing Closer to God than Family because All You
Need Is Love When You Give Peace a Chance to Imagine a Blue Planet of Bliss!
Now, you may say I’m a Dreamer, but I’m not The Only One and so, there you have
it…at the conclusion of side two, with the love you take being equal to love
you make and all that, there’s the little bit of Truth I Know For Sure.
Thanks for spending your Time
reading me, I hope it was worth your while…I’d be honored to have it shared
with your friends, if you think it matters and otherwise, I simply wish you all
nothing but the very best health, the most fair of fortunes and an ever-lasting
sense of Love for Life…
Have Peace, Share Love, Find
Bliss!
Gratefully yours,
d’Philip
