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| d'Philip, October 2014 |
It’s sunset on a Wednesday evening in late October and I’m
writing this article while sitting in our family chill space behind the
Farmhouse. The air is a cool and comfortable mid-70s and as I write my wife and
son are creating “Spirit Rocks”, ornamental pieces that reflect a magical
moment. We’ll be selling them when we go see Phish this next Saturday in Chula
Vista, California. It’s amazing, however, that we’re able to go because if you’ve
following this blog a while, you’ll know, we’ve been struggling with financial
issues while waiting for portions of my royalty advance to be made. That
process is started, but the first deposit went quicker than anticipated due to
paying off the collective debt we incurred to get here from Chicago last June. This
trip, a celebration of our daughter’s 14th birthday, is something we
cannot miss and though a more pragmatic family might cancel these plans, we’re
not that pragmatic family. We are more the Intrepid types, we forge paths
despite the odds, we venture across the country to discover new opportunities
and so driving a few hundred miles for a weekend of Phish and Phun is a walk in
the park, so to speak…despite the fact we’ll spend more than we’ll earn, it’s
worth it and we’re not going to miss it for the world! This Phish adventure is
symbolic for our family, it’s time for us to celebrate a little because we’ve
not done that since arriving here in The San Joaquin Valley and very shortly,
the next week in fact, my book “My BiPolar Reality; How Life Goes On…” is
released. I’ll be very busy and not available for the family too much so this a
great opportunity to nurture the deeply rooted bonds we share and dance our
asses off for nothing more than a good fucking Saturday night!
This article, however, is not about our future plans, it’s
about the past couple of weeks of this seemingly never-ending wait we’ve had
while various details and legal issues are worked out for the successful launch
of the book. I have never done this before, well, I have authored a book (“SCHLEP”)
and had it published by a “micro-publishing” company in 2010, but I didn’t have
anything to do beyond simply getting available on Amazon or my own humble
little website (dphilipchalmers.net). In the four years since it’s release, my
first book has sold almost 1,000 copied; however 750 of them were one bulk sale
to a European distributor. This time, with “My BiPolar Reality…”, it’s a very
different animal. I’ve had to work with editors and attoneys, I’ve had sign
legal documents to both protect my rights and, at the same time, give away (or “share”
might be kinder) some those rights too. Throughout all of this, it’s been enough
to drive me to the brink of madness, I don’t do well with the day-today
business operations and if there’s money involved (there is), I get REALLY
freaked out! This past month, while we wait for the funding to come, has become
such a weight upon me I could not carry it alone. I had fear of failure, I was
slipping and my illness was being triggered by this stress…the only thing that
saved me, and I swear this is the God’s honest truth…the only thing that saved
me was Love.
You see, only about 48 hours ago I was in such a state of
mind that I was beginning to understand why Robin Williams, the funniest man on
Earth, someone who has it all, struggled with his illness and demons for so
long, so successfully, could have “snapped” and did what he did when he
tragically took his life. I was feeling suicidal, please don’t misunderstand,
it was more like having a deeper empathy for him and his actions. I was there,
a little too close to that edge but if were not for the strong pull of Love
given to me my wife and kids, from my family afar and friends I miss…I found
some hope, something to float my spirit a little longer and when the storm
finally passed, like all things must do, I was here to live today with a very
grand spirit, an abundance of Love and support and a lifting of that terrible
weight.
In the end, I suppose this article is simply about finding
Love wherever you can and grabbing it for all you’re worth because it truly is
a form of salvation we each have the power of bestorying upon one another…Love
Each Other.
