Monday, 29 September 2014, The Farmhouse Estate, Ceres, California…
It’s been a difficult weekend for me, I have been
experiencing the withdraw symptoms from Zoloft. I was running out of them 2
weeks ago so I started to take only ½ as much and it worked, sort of…but then I
ran out completely and had none at all for four days. By the time I saw a doctor
and got my refill, it was Friday evening and I was already far too gone. I was
feeling physically ill, like a flu…body hurts, nausea, dizziness, serious
headaches, abdominal pains, just fucking yucky!
I felt even worse because it
was our daughter’s 14th birthday on Saturday and although I hung in
there for dinner and some family games at home until about midnight, I was not
up for much adventure and I was rather dull of personality too. When I did go
to bed Saturday evening, I slept until nearly noon on Sunday and felt even
worse! I stayed up less than 3 hours and went back to bed. Other than being
disturbed around midnight when my wife and son came into the bedroom to watch
television, I didn’t wake up until about 05:00 this morning! I have been taking
my full dosage of the medicine since Friday and I do feel better now. I had a
nice meditation and walk before the sunrise, I got our daughter to school on
time and I’ve taken care of my personal routine so now I’m sitting in the “Chill
Space” area of The Farmhouse Estate. It’s a bright and sunny morning, the temperature
is a balmy 60 degrees and I have both a lot to do and a lot on mind.
As much as I’d like to talk about what’s on my mind, and I
sincerely need to talk to somebody about this…I can’t because it involves legal
matters which are protected by a “non disclosure agreement” yet involve the
publication of “My BiPolar Reality; How Life Goes On…”; it’s both perplexing and
frustrating, but ultimately, it’s all going to work out and before too long I
can discuss the book fully. All I can tell you now is that it will be released
during October, there are plans for a promotional tour to follow and I am
confident this book will help people. In terms of the things I need to do
today, that’s easy because I’ll be spending time with my lovely wife taking
care of various matters related to our becoming “official” Californians! Last
Friday we got our DL changed, today we’re getting the VW registered for plates
and every day, we’re feeling more and more at home in this new place. I cannot
express how much Peace I feel when I touch the earth here, I know it’s only
soil but there’s something about it for me, something deeper that touches my
soul. I belong here, I know it and I do believe it’s starting to show in the
way my family is blooming, in the way I’ve been able to manage my BiPolar
Disorder without much more than my own skills and resources…California seems to
fit our Life now.
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In conclusion, I suppose the notion I want to share today is
that we all have days like this, some how they’re uncomfortable, we’re not
feeling well either in the mind, body or spirit and it’s tough to go on, even when
you’re basically doing alright, it’s not easy. I have an excellent support
system within my family, I’m so very fortunate and Grateful but even so, I find
times like this where I need just a little something more too. That’s okay too,
it’s natural and healthy to recognize when I need more help so today I’ll visit
with a CBT therapist for some basic “venting” (I hope) and perhaps later I
might find my to one of those Google hang-out groups to chat with others like
me. I have a great deal of fear about tomorrow, however, but that’s part of the
shit I can’t talk about, dig? In the end, I suppose all I can really offer you
is a glimpse of my BiPolar Reality on this last Monday in September of 2014…so,
Life Goes On!
Have Peace, Share Love, Find Bliss…
